The move from hell. Part 1,2,3, etc.....

As many of you already know, we moved. And for those of you who didn't know it, well SURPRISE! We took a big leap of faith and made the move from Tennessee to Florida. Of course not a new thing for me to move, but it was for Jonathan. I for one am as glad as I can be that I am back here. I'm pretty sure that Jonathan likes it to. This move didn't come easy though, and it has certainly been no picnic in the park either. The main reason we moved in the first place was because in January Jonathan lost his full time job at Smith and Hammaker. He worked there for four years, putting in long hours well over his 40 a week. On top of that, he also worked his part time job at UPS where he has been employed for 12 years, and working 20-24 hours weekly. Yes, your math skills are correct, he worked 65-70 hours a week, every stinking week. You can tell where this is going I'm sure. That big cut in our income cost us to loose our home that we adored. No big deal, you pick up and carry on. And that is just what we did. We have shed many tears, had many sleepless nights and a few good arguments thrown into the mix of all the stress we have had. So here we are, it's almost a year later and we have been in Florida since Aug 13th. You know that old saying "time flys when your having fun"? Well let me just be the first to say that time flys when your overwhelmed, over stressed, and exhausted too. We had been in our nice new little apartment for a few weeks when our first incident occurred. A snake. Yes, in our apartment, in our hall way. Can you say panic attack? I can honestly say I had never experienced one before this occurred. It was amusing to say the least I'm sure. Jon got the snake out of our apartment and as one would think, problem solved. Wrong...problem multiplied. Two days later, yes, another lovely snake in the hallway. I was already to move out when I saw the first one, and seeing this one made me want to move even worse. Mind you, we have a 13month contract at this place, are you kidding me? Well, let the games begin said the person who has a voodoo doll on us. Lets just see how much this one family can take before they snap. Savannah and our dog Charlie were both bitten by a brown recluse spider. Yes, the very dangerous, deadly spider that everyone hears of and knows somebody who knows someone whose been bit. Yes, only us. This was my snapping point. I demanded to our office leasing staff that we be moved because that place had a serious problem. Ok, after a good little fight, I won and we got moved. Almost one mile across the street to another apartment. I had just got unpacked from the last move that was awful in itself. I mean, we moved from a home that was well over 2,000sq ft to a little place of 1,000sq feet. That was tough, and then to pack it all back up again and move and unpack all within one months time. I feel like I have lost my ever loving mind. We spent three days with Savannah in the hospital because she has been very sick. Sleeping excessive amounts and being tired, pale and not hungry. Only to come home with no more answers than we went there with. She is getting better everyday it seems, which is great. The only down fall is we still don't know what is wrong and we are waiting to get into the rheumatoligst in February for more answers. As of now, they are thinking she has an auto immune disorder since they run in our family. We brought her home on a Sunday evening, two weeks ago. That same night I managed to black out and fall. Comically returning to the E.R. just after getting back from there. I know, it sounds like a freaking movie plot at this point doesn't it? But, I assure you it gets more interesting. The pain I was having pushed me into going to the Doctor on that following Monday afternoon. Only to learn that I have a hairline fracture on my left hip. Mind you, the new apartment is on the second floor. This shall be fun I told myself. The only thing to do for this little fracture I have is to be off of my feet for 4-6 weeks. Nice, if I had a maid, chef, teacher, dog walker, and an extra mom and wife. Jonathan has had to pick up the slack around here. He has been doing a good job and finally learning to cook and even clean a little. He is not much of a nurse maid though, he needs a few lessons on that for sure. I have been so flustered at the turn of events lately that I had to get my frustrations out some where and use a bit of my creative writing skills to work. I mean, lets face it, I can write one heck of a story that will either make you cry, laugh or at least give you something to talk about at your dinner table. Our latest even occurred today. I got out of the house, despite the doctors orders to go down the street for a gluten free pizza with my family and Mom came along too. We get ordered and get ready to pay and our credit card (bank card) was declined. Great. I had forgot that they were taking our car insurance out today and I was going to call and have them do it on Thursday when our measly pay day would be in the bank. I forgot, gee...I wonder why? Could it be the massive pain patch I'm wearing and the pain pills I have been on? Surly not. Either way, we are flat ass broke. I have not been this broke since I was single. Thank heavens mom was there to pay for our lunch. Some days I swear I hate life. I have often wondered if it would kill me to jump from the second floor of an apartment building or if I would just land and break a leg. Let me just say that after falling just from the level of my own height and breaking a hip that I would for sure die from a jump. I wish fate would quit tempting me to try it out though. How hard is it to get a break around here, hell, I know how easy it is to get a break, take a fall and find out but I'm talking about an honest to goodness break from everyday crap that happens. I have been so overwhelmed that I want to cry. I just might. I am thinking that might help, at the worst it will just make my eyes puff up. I have just been writing to empty the cob webs, and get things off my chest. My heart has been so heavy with overwhelming circumstances that I am just not sure how much more I can honestly take. I hope more, because after all this is just life right?

What a week!

I must say what a wonderful week I have had. I had my best and dearest friend Kelly here with me from Saturday evening up until Thursday afternoon. Honestly I had forgotten how to have "girl time". We had so much fun! Talking, laughing....really laughing, and just being girls. Of course Savannah was here all week too, making it that much more interesting. Oh, and did I mention that Jonathan was here as well? Yep, he has totally adopted Kelly as his honorary sister. Put all of us together and its just a hoot and a half. However, Jon did have to work so that gave us gals some time to ummm, yep, SHOP! We hit West Towne mall and stayed for almost 5 hours. I declare that was a record for me. We hit all the cool shops, had lunch and giggled lots. The day before that we went to Earth Fare and did some shopping, that is where I was turned on to the finer things in life, like hot tea :) and Jonathan to coffee without gnats, (don't ask) lol. And then on Wednesday, the zoo of course and Savannahs birthday dinner. It was truly a busy, but very lovely week. We sincerely enjoy it when Kelly comes to visit with us, its like we are on vacation when she is here, because we are all having so much fun. Can't wait until you come back thru, and yes..that spare room is all yours dear. We love you and thank you for such great company and awesome friendship!

Things I've learned from my Best Friend...

Things one can learn from their best friend are limitless. Especially if we are talking about the same kind of best friend, mans best friend, your dog. My dog, or really should I say my dogs, have taught me lots of things. They teach us patience, kindness, love...but not just any kind of love, how to laugh, and how to cry out of sheer madness. All of these I'm going to explain, in my words.
Lets start with patience. If you are a dog owner, you know this one is a truth of truth. Learning all the basic obedience, and lets not forget housebreaking. Oh mercy. So, thank you for teaching me how to be patient, and for you also being patient with me. After all, we don't speak the same lauange, I can pee inside but you can't and having to wait on me to get home when I am gone. You have taught me patience.
Kindness. This is a simple word that many people don't understand how to use. You have taught me to be kind, and in return I'm trying to teach you the meaning as well. Be nice, don't bite me. Don't bark at that strange dog, they could be having a bad day and you aren't aware of it. Be gentle not only in your actions, but also in your bark. Thank you for teaching me patience.
Love. Such a strong word isn't it? Love, you've taught me how to love, not just any love like I said earlier. You have an unconditional love for me. One that without fail is there for me every waking moment of the day. This is a kind of love that most people don't ever have or know of. But you have taught me how to love like you do, Love with my whole heart, not just parts of it, and to love strongly and passionately. This is true of loving me, or loving your favorite toy. I too love you, and my stuffed Teddy bear. Thank you for teaching me true unconditional love.
I love my dogs, they teach me so much more than to be a good owner. I am not an owner, I am owned by my dogs. And those of you who know me know that my dogs are also my babies. I love them as if they were my "other children". I love my little four legged fur children, and they love me.
I've learned that no matter what it is that is outside, and I hear a bark, I should be concerned.
I've learned that it doesn't matter if it squeaks or not, if its in the floor within reach, consider it fair game. The first one who gets it, well its all yours. I've also learned that when you have a paper towel and it's not all the way in the trash that it can be shredded into a gazillion pieces. And a roll of toilet paper, well, it can be taken off the holder in like 2seconds flat. And yes, that too can be shredded in more than a gazillion pieces. I've learned that when my dogs are excited, that well they can jump higher than a kid on a pogo stick and try to knock you down in the process with tons of kisses as a follow up. I've learned that anything that contains stuffing can be destroyed in no time, and its a waste of money. Instead, my dogs get plastic soda bottles that are empty. Cheap and recycled. I've learned that when someone rings my doorbell, the person on the other end better really be prepared to come into my house. It's a chore just to get over the threshold, so if your really wanting to come visit, I will know your sincere. I've learned that ice cubes are fun to give the dogs, until they melt because they loose them, yuck. Car rides are never the same with my dogs, its always a full on event, just like going to the red carpet. And nothing can get your two legged child to go to there room quicker than when you seek the dog on them! I've also learned that there is no sleeping in on Saturdays or Sundays because the dogs want to get up and play! They are built in alarm clocks Monday thru Friday, promptly at 6:30 am. I've learned that no one will cross me, if I'm out with my dogs, they can prompt fear of laughter in strangers. I've learned that things are never boring at the Smith house with the Dogs...
I would love to say thank you to my dogs, Charlie, the mini schnauzer, Cosby, the mini schnauzer, and Endora the Airedale (my service girl in training)

I thought I opted out?

Well, most of you who know me well, know that I had a Hysterectomy back at the end of April. This was a blessing and a curse all wrapped into one. On the up side, no more monthly blahhhh... and no more planning around "that time". Swimming, yep, now when ever I felt like it. The down side, no more babies... yeah, and I wasn't finished. But God had other plans, He said yes Felicia, you are done. Now back to that whole upside thing. I think I got screwed on it. I've thought I would have no more issues, at least hopefully for a year or more..... So I thought. These last couple of weeks I've been feeling like shit again. Mood, etc, and did I mention MOOD?? I went today back to the doctor had some tests and junk done. I have yet another cyst. Which I will know more about tomorrow. (yes, I kept my ovaries) But here's the kicker. Now they think I have a disorder.... ha ha ha.... really, no freaking kidding! Called PMDD. If your not sure what it is, look it up. It boils down to really bad pms with a fancy name that in general says its WAY MORE than the average housewives monthly issues.
Now, as for where I stand on this, I totally see it. I can't even live with myself. I really feel like Veta did in the movie "My Girl". You know, when Thomas Jay comes to the front door after she gets her period and and she gives him one hell of a shove down the steps and says to him " I don't want to see you, and don't come back for 5 to 7 days" and the she promptly slams the door and goes back in her house. Yes, that's me. I would gladly push you off my front porch right now. Yes, I know, it is a long way down but that will only be minor to the way I'm feeling right now. Get to close, I may just yell at you, and well.... let me be honest here, I am going to enjoy it. I don't know why, or what to say but PMDD made me do it. I want to know if this will be a good excuse to use in court if you keep crossing me? Just saying.
My point is, that I thought that when I had my hysterectomy I had opted out of dealing with monthly issues. Guess that's what I get for thinking. I kinda feel damned if I do, damned if i don't. On the bright side, only a few more days left until I can get all worked up again for next month. HAHAHA...NOT! This just sucks and I don't wanna play this game anymore. I will know more tomorrow, in regards to medicine and all that good stuff. Not to sure if I want to put this one on my resume or not, but looks like that was the card I was dealt, so time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it.

Random Thoughts

I have some random thoughts today. As if that should be any big surprise to anyone who knows me. I'm curious why it is that no matter what one does, there is always a reaction. Now that reaction can be a positive one, or a not so positive one. My thought is, "who really gets to decided if its good or not"? I mean, aren't we all just kinda out there taking care of ourselves? It seems like no one ever cares unless they wanna stick there noses into it. I'm not sure why this thought is on my mind, but it is. I think that I'm very random sometimes, mostly because if I don't speak whats on my mind, when its on my mind I simply forget what I'm going to say. Totally sucks. I hate the randomness that comes to my head. It feels more like a burden to others than me. I constantly find myself interrupting what others are saying, simply in order to have something productive to say. I have found lately that I do much better typing, emailing or texting than I do talking on the phone. All because of my whole speech issue thing. To many times, I just don't answer the phone because I know the other person on the other end just isn't going to get what I'm saying. So in order to save face, and not look a fool I find it easier to just not answer. See, all so random.

Yeah for Saturdays!

Hooray, for today is Saturday! This means Jon is home for two whole days, we are able to have family time. Right now, we just finished breakfast. I made GF pancakes, some plain some with chocolate chips for Savannah of course. We are watching Dr. Do Little and being totally lazy. Well, I'm multi-tasking watching t.v. and blogging. I'm pretty sure we may go out after while. Jon said if I wanted a hair cut he would take me out today to get one. I'm toying with the fact of letting it grow out or just cutting it off again. I hate being in the middle stages of the growing it out stage. It looks like crap, wont do anything. I usually go get it cut on a whim and just deal with it. I'm going to dye it today too. I may just look like Sharron Osborn!
You are probably wondering why I'm so gung ho this morning. Well let me just say one word PREDINSONE! I'm not supposed to take it, but the Doc said that I need too because my sed rate level is pretty high. Well the steroids are defiantly kicking in. I'm feeling feisty for sure. I really need to be doing more with this new found energy but I don't want to jinks it. I am so wound up that I'm a bit shaky even and this is only dose 2. Anyhow, I'm just rambling today because my mind is in 1,000 places. On that note I think I am going to end my blogging session so I can go do some laundry.

Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired.

My title says it all. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Really, I am. I feel like I've been through the medical hamster wheel of life. Running around in circles, always ending up in the same damn place. Yep, right where I started. Kinda makes one feel sorry for hamsters when you put it in perspective. I also feel like the lab rat who was lucky enough to avoid the wheel, but unfortunate enough to meet up with the rat poison. I know, just a ray of sunshine today aren't I? Sorry to disappoint. Most of you know me as the one who keeps on a smile, and a happy face despite it all. But sometimes, my get up and go and smile, just up and leaves without me. Sucks, but that's how it goes. I had a doctor of mine tell me once "Felicia, you are the happiest, sickest person I've ever known" Well thanks doc, think you can make me super happy and make me happy and not sick. I mean, that after all is what I'm aiming for. These last few weeks have been utter hell. I've not known if I'm coming or going. My brain cant seem to function, my balance is majorly off, my eyes are severely messed up, my speech has been coming and going. I just really want a normal day. Hell, what's normal? I'm not sure at this point I've ever experienced it. As I'm doing my blog right now, I'm doing so from the comforts of my bed. This after all is where I've been most of today minus the couch that is. I really prefer my bed. It has it all, the blankets, the pillows, the dog, the t.v. the radio, the bathroom is in the bedroom even. I laugh at my friends who say "I wish I could sleep till 10:30 everyday". Well, I really wish I could get up at 5:30am and go to work like I used to do. The grass isn't greener. Sorry. I would love to be in the public again, and not get stares of people thinking I've been hitting the bottle when I can't stand up straight and I can't talk like a normal person. Oh....to be able to have those days back. But, if it weren't for all that I've had to go through, I wouldn't be me. I probably would be one of those people who didn't think anything about tomorrow coming, or be as grateful for the life that I have. I am waiting patiently for my new neurologist apt next month. I honestly hope that this man has the answers that I've been seeking. I cant take many more days of "sick" I want to live my life, and to a point I do. But its nowhere as to where I want it to be. I long to be the mom and wife who can go out and stay at the park, shop, play, go on vacation and really be able to enjoy it, not give out and have to rest. So, here's to the good life, chin up and legs still moving forward to the next day. (slowly moving that is)! Oh, and the pic is of me at the Mayo Clinic...hense the hamster.