Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired.

My title says it all. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Really, I am. I feel like I've been through the medical hamster wheel of life. Running around in circles, always ending up in the same damn place. Yep, right where I started. Kinda makes one feel sorry for hamsters when you put it in perspective. I also feel like the lab rat who was lucky enough to avoid the wheel, but unfortunate enough to meet up with the rat poison. I know, just a ray of sunshine today aren't I? Sorry to disappoint. Most of you know me as the one who keeps on a smile, and a happy face despite it all. But sometimes, my get up and go and smile, just up and leaves without me. Sucks, but that's how it goes. I had a doctor of mine tell me once "Felicia, you are the happiest, sickest person I've ever known" Well thanks doc, think you can make me super happy and make me happy and not sick. I mean, that after all is what I'm aiming for. These last few weeks have been utter hell. I've not known if I'm coming or going. My brain cant seem to function, my balance is majorly off, my eyes are severely messed up, my speech has been coming and going. I just really want a normal day. Hell, what's normal? I'm not sure at this point I've ever experienced it. As I'm doing my blog right now, I'm doing so from the comforts of my bed. This after all is where I've been most of today minus the couch that is. I really prefer my bed. It has it all, the blankets, the pillows, the dog, the t.v. the radio, the bathroom is in the bedroom even. I laugh at my friends who say "I wish I could sleep till 10:30 everyday". Well, I really wish I could get up at 5:30am and go to work like I used to do. The grass isn't greener. Sorry. I would love to be in the public again, and not get stares of people thinking I've been hitting the bottle when I can't stand up straight and I can't talk like a normal person. Oh....to be able to have those days back. But, if it weren't for all that I've had to go through, I wouldn't be me. I probably would be one of those people who didn't think anything about tomorrow coming, or be as grateful for the life that I have. I am waiting patiently for my new neurologist apt next month. I honestly hope that this man has the answers that I've been seeking. I cant take many more days of "sick" I want to live my life, and to a point I do. But its nowhere as to where I want it to be. I long to be the mom and wife who can go out and stay at the park, shop, play, go on vacation and really be able to enjoy it, not give out and have to rest. So, here's to the good life, chin up and legs still moving forward to the next day. (slowly moving that is)! Oh, and the pic is of me at the Mayo Clinic...hense the hamster.